A small update

Here’s a small sampler of what’s going on in my life:

What I’m reading:

Outer Dark by Cormac McCarthy. I got the itch after seeing the absolutely flabbergasting movie version of No Country For Old Men this month. Early McCarthy is a denser kind of prose than late McCarthy, and this book is a delirious fecundity of language. Starkly beautiful, too.

England’s Dreaming: Anarchy, Sex Pistols, Punk Rock, and Beyond by Jon Savage. The best history of punk rock I’ve read. Authoritative and exhaustive.

Sharpe’s Honour by Bernard Cornwell. Another adventure in the Peninsular War with the redoubtable Sharpe. Hissable villains. Daring-do. And a big battle at the end. Great fun.

The Complete Peanuts 1950-1952 by Charles Schultz. Has there ever been a more humane portrait of an existential everyman than Charlie Brown?

What I’m listening to:

Exile on Main St. by The Rolling Stones, in which the hangover from the sixties is formulated into a murky, growling masterpiece.

One Kiss Can Lead to Another: Girl Group Sounds Lost and Found, a delightful compendium of (mostly unfamiliar) girl group songs. And it’s packaged in a lovely hatbox.

Reloaded: Greatest Hits by Tom Jones. If there’s a more insincere singer than Tom Jones, I don’t know who he is, but Jesus, the cock of the walk confidence and the sheer testosterone that oozes from Jones’s voice is amazing (just listen to “Thunderball,” his James Bond theme). I don’t know that I’d do him, but I would certainly throw my panties at the stage.

Bang Masters by Van Morrison. The sessions that produced Morrison’s breakthrough solo album, TB Sheets, is a rich portrait of the artist at work.

What I’m watching:

The Face Of Another (1966), a weird, weird portrait of alienation and shifting identity by Japanese director Hiroshi Teshigahara. Slow, but visually arresting and creepy as all get-out.

MadHouse (1974), in which Vincent Price gives a committed performance beyond his usual hamming, in service to a screenplay that is entirely undeserving and to a director who is a clod. Still, it’s nice to see Price share the screen with Peter Cushing.

A Bucket of Blood (1959), one of Roger Corman’s three-day wonders, and better than any movie made in three days has any right being. Dick Miller is terrific as a hapless wanna-be hipster who finds his muse by encasing corpses in clay. Fun, and witty.

What I’ve been doing:

I drove up to Kansas City last weekend with the aim of having a night out. I met a number of the girls from KC and had a lovely time, considering that there was a blizzard in progress and if I had had any brains in my head I would have turned around and headed home when I hit the line of sleet on my way up. That’s what I get for packing the blond hair, I guess.

Christmas was fine, but for a sprained ankle that hobbled me all day. But there was no traveling involved, so I’m not complaining.

I’ve been on hormones for nearly three weeks at this point and I still don’t feel any different. In theory, my nipples should start to hurt in the week ahead. We shall see. No sexual dysfunction, either–which surprises me–nor even any diminishment of my sex drive. Go figure. I guess there’s no accounting for individual biology and individual psychological make-up. I don’t know what I’m going to tell my therapist the next time I see her. “Nothing has changed. That’s all I got.” I hate to pay for that sort of thing. Fortunately, I don’t see her again for a couple of weeks. Plenty of time for things to happen. We shall see.

Cheers.

Give Me Liberty

Note, the seed for this is totally stolen from somewhere else. Be that as it may, I am compelled to comment on this.

Yesterday, a United States Senator stood on floor of the Senate and uttered THIS sentence:

“The civil libertarians among us would rather defend the constitution than protect our nation’s security.”

The orator (and by “orator,” I actually mean “asshat”) was the Republican Senator from Alabama, one Jeff Sessions. Nor do I think Sessions is out of line with his party, though I think he’s probably stupider than most.

Note, this is the oath of office sworn by members of Congress:

“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God”

See the disconnect?

Here’s another firebrand from the nation’s past on the issue of safety versus freedom:

“What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!” — Patrick Henry

And another:

“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!” — Samuel Adams.

I never thought I’d see the day.

Christi and Ronnie’s Scorching Hot IMs

What do a couple of bored Tgirls talk about on lonely winter nights at home? Read on, if your heart can stand it…

christianne_in_leather

Hola muchaha
muchacha, that is.

msronnierho

Cha-cha-cha, yourself…

christianne_in_leather

Heh.
How’s things?

msronnierho

Not bad, not bad..you?

christianne_in_leather

I’m doing okay, all things considered.

msronnierho

And what are all those things?

christianne_in_leather

I was deathly ill earlier this week. Nice thing about the flu: it’s a great diet aid. Lost ten pounds this week.
But I’m over it.
Still have to get my tooth looked at, though.

msronnierho

Your tooth?
Did it have the flu too?
Or did you ding it on the toilet bowl?

christianne_in_leather

Hmmm…easier if you just read this: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-rzXoMZswaaXov3wwrzzFZHYrtKpJe41pBQ–?cq=1&p=1489
But apart from that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

msronnierho

Oh dear…
Sounds vaguely like my Halloween party adventure.
Without the dental problems.

christianne_in_leather

Ah.

msronnierho

Went to a party at a coworkers…

christianne_in_leather

I raise a toast to the ghost of Jim Morrison (with whom I share a birthday).

msronnierho

Felt fine…felt fine…no problems…until I came home.
(Me & Beethoven.)

christianne_in_leather

I’d prefer Beethoven, myself.

msronnierho

I bent down to untie my shoes and as I straightened up…I projectile vomitted…
All over the mirror hanging by the door, so I got to see myself throw up.

christianne_in_leather

Lovely. All Linda Blair.

msronnierho

Ran into the kitchen to get paper towels, and threw up again.
Missing the sink completely.

christianne_in_leather

Doh!
I only had the one puddle. but I was face down in it.

msronnierho

Yeah.
Ick.
Our living room smelled like cream cheese flavored vomit for a week.

christianne_in_leather

Eww.

msronnierho

Yeah.

christianne_in_leather

I can count the number of times I’ve vomitted as an adult on one hand with three fingers left over. No sir! I don’t like it. Don’t like it one little bit.

msronnierho

The mirror was wicker. Had a helluva time getting the food bits out of the nooks and crannies.
But enough about vomit. How else are you?

christianne_in_leather

I’m doing well.
Probably meeting some local (or relatively local) T-folk for lunch this Saturday. Probably going to a fetish ball next Friday.
I haven’t been out much since SCC, so it will be a nice change.

msronnierho

Good, good….
Are these local folk the variety that actually shows up?

christianne_in_leather

yeah. I’ve spoken to them a couple of times on the phone. They’re politically active, too, which suggests to me that they aren’t going to flake.
A pre and post-op couple, as it so happens.

msronnierho

They may not flake, but because they’re political, they may have too much on their plate, and sacrifice the meeting with you…
I’m such an optimist…

christianne_in_leather

they’re coming to town for shopping. I’m not worried.
And since I’m not having to drive anywhere besides a local restaurant, I’m okay with it.

msronnierho

Did you lose power in the storm?
This time?

christianne_in_leather

Nope.
Parts of Columbia, did, but my little town did not.

msronnierho

Good good…

christianne_in_leather

Significantly, we aren’t served by Ameren UE, which runs the electricity in Columbia and St. Louis.
Mis-manages, is probably a better term.

msronnierho

Hey! They’re in the business to make money! Not serve customers…what are you thinking?!?

christianne_in_leather

The U of M has their own power plant and, lo and behold, they kept their power, too..
this is the kind of reason that fire departments got socialized.

msronnierho

Mmmmmm….

christianne_in_leather

Funny that you never hear it put that way, isn’t it?

msronnierho

Indeed…

christianne_in_leather

Oh, in case you’re curious, I’m feeling the hormones. None of that three weeks of waiting for something to happen. My nipples feel like someone spread hot sauce on them.

msronnierho

And you like that, right?
That’s good, yes?

christianne_in_leather

Not a fiery hot sauce, but enough that I can feel.
Yeah. I’m pleased as hell about that.

msronnierho

Battle on, Xena..

christianne_in_leather

Rock.

msronnierho

That too.

christianne_in_leather

Seen any movies lately?

msronnierho

Saw Daywatch last week…
Like to thank you for turning me on to Nightwatch..BTW.

christianne_in_leather

I tried watching some russian thing on Tuesday while I was abed with fever. That didn’t work out so well.
BRB. Dinner’s buzzing.

msronnierho

Go figure.
I’ll be here.

christianne_in_leather

Mmm…tater tots….

msronnierho

Mmmm…
I’m not pointing fingers, but I’m swankier than thou..
I had a vodka martini in a funky glass with my microwaved chicken nuggets tonight.

christianne_in_leather

Somehow, I think that might come right back up if I tried it.

msronnierho

With BBQ sauce…
I reek of class.

christianne_in_leather

Mmmm….barbecue……
I’m putting a local bbq sauce on the polish sausage I’m having.

msronnierho

Oh? What’s his name? Anyone I know?

christianne_in_leather

I’m probably still too contagious for that.

msronnierho

Bummer…

christianne_in_leather

Besides, I’ve been promised “human furniture” at the fetish thing I’m going to next week, so I’m saving myself.

msronnierho

MMmmmmmm…

christianne_in_leather

I told that to Corinne and she immediately thought of Ed Gein. Go figure.

msronnierho

LOL
She’s good people…

christianne_in_leather

Yeah. I’m trying to contrive a visit to meet her.

msronnierho

I’d like a sit down with her too…
Maybe in 2009 at the next January party…
Or sumptin…

christianne_in_leather

Glenda and Laura met her last winter. They think the world of her.

msronnierho

I can imagine…the conversations I’ve had, few and brief as they are…she’s good people.
You should see her stuff at TGForum. Heady. Very heady.
Of course, I have yet to meet Glenda and Laura too.

christianne_in_leather

I’ve seen it. I kinda steered her that way.

msronnierho

Oh?

christianne_in_leather

Glenda is a hoot. You’d like her. Laura is really sweet.
Yeah. I suggested the idea of social capital to her.

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msronnierho

#$*&(#$ Cincinnati Bell

christianne_in_leather

They must be in cahoots with Ameren.

msronnierho

Well, in that like other corporations nothing matters but the return to investors, yes…I’m sure they are.

christianne_in_leather

Incidentally, do you find it ominous that AT&T has regained about 75% of the broken-up company since 2000?

msronnierho

I find it interesting….
Especially since right after ATT announced they were getting out of the cell biz, they pretty much bought cingular..

christianne_in_leather

Keep in mind that I think the break-up of Ma Bell may be the single most significant historical event of the late twentieth century. Even more than the moon landing.

msronnierho

Do tell…
Or as one of my English profs liked to say…
Go with that…

christianne_in_leather

Simple: without the break-up of AT&T, the information revolution Does. NOT. Happen.

msronnierho

Hang on….BRB.
Hmmm….go on.
(I had to get Amy some chocolate. She had a cat on her lap and could not be disturbed.)
The rule is, if you have a cat on your lap, and the other person doesn’t…the other person has to get things for you.

christianne_in_leather

Ah. Of course. We have a similar set-up with our pets.
In the bad old days of ma bell, you didn’t own any of the equipment. Further, you were prohibited from attaching any non-approved equipment to your phone lines. Ma Bell stays the way they were, they control EVERYTHING.

msronnierho

Hmmm….interesting……

christianne_in_leather

Oh, the internet still happens. It already existed at the time, but its gateway is guarded and it is the domain of the wealthy who can pay what AT&T would charge. Mostly businesses, I would think. It’s like jet travel in the bad old days before deregulation. Average people couldn’t afford to fly more than once or twice in their lifetimes.
More significantly, the political and social revolutions that the internet is still spawning never find an outlet.

msronnierho

Oh, they’d find outlets, but not on the scale they are today…

christianne_in_leather

they’d find an outlet, but they would be so small as to be meaningless as “revolutions”

msronnierho

Remember..I fully believe the Net has been our greatest tool and our worst addiction at the same time.

christianne_in_leather

True. It’s sugar and poison at the same time.

msronnierho

Sooooo, it’s antifreeze….

christianne_in_leather

In any event, were AT&T left intact, I’d be a lot less optimistic that George Orwell was wrong when he said that the future of humanity was a boot to the face forever.

msronnierho

But that’s not yet untrue….

christianne_in_leather

No. It’s not. But it’s not yet unavoidable, either, and I think the Internet is weaving a countervailing historical imperative.
Which will win? Is the clock running out? Who can say?

msronnierho

Whimper or bang?

christianne_in_leather

What rough beast is this, its time come round at last, slouching towards Bethlehem to be born?

msronnierho

The road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.

christianne_in_leather

It may very well be.
Damn. This chat would make a good blog.

msronnierho

Only because you’re carrying the conversation..
And you hereby have my permission to reprint this chat as a blog.

christianne_in_leather

Heh.
“Christi and Ronnie’s Hot IMs!” I can see the page hits now.

msronnierho

Oy vey.

christianne_in_leather

I love bait and switch. It’s illegal because it works.

msronnierho

Damn straight…
That’s why you’ve got to be careful searching for anything on the web…

christianne_in_leather

True enough.
I keep getting relatives of African doctors and diplomats wanting me to cash checks for them. Go figure.

msronnierho

You too?

christianne_in_leather

They almost always think I’m “god fearing”
Clearly, they’ve done their research.

msronnierho

And charitable…

christianne_in_leather

Indeed.

msronnierho

WTF?
You should see the response I just got to my blast…

christianne_in_leather

Oh?

msronnierho

> If 60 is the new 40, does that mean 37 is the new 17, or does it mean 37 is the new 13??

Ronnie it’s simple seek out others similar to yourself and learn something new from them. People need to learn a new task, idea, every day as they and others use technology in an appropriate manner to better there own self identity and people and family surrounding each other – take care for now – John

Gee….think that’s a form response?

christianne_in_leather

Oooo—kaaaaayyyyyy……

msronnierho

And here’s his 360:
http://360.yahoo.com/profile-stX2Miwier7iebzWqWcv0N1NHA–?cq=1
Oh well…Canadians. Go figure.
He means well, I’m sure.

christianne_in_leather

Yeah. You never can tell with them Canucks. Shifty, the lot of them. Wasn’t Canada founded by convicts?
Oh, that was Australia.
Nevermind.

msronnierho

He’s got the stench of backbacon and good beer all over his site…

christianne_in_leather

Eh. Those Canadians have been waiting to get back at the US ever since Gretsky moved to LA.
Say…how come we’re not building a fence against Canada?

msronnierho

Cuz it would impede the northward migration?

christianne_in_leather

Ah, yes.
Hell, I’d climb it to get to Northbound Leather.
If they were smart, they’d build one against US.

msronnierho

LOL
If the dollar keeps tanking…
They might.
Okay…I’m logging off…for now.

christianne_in_leather

Hokay. I need to get my laundry done.

msronnierho

Good to talk to you again…hope your recovery continues! *STERILEHUGS*

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And if you’ve read this far…get a life, will ya?

No Battle Plan Ever Survives Contact With the Enemy.

Note: this post may qualify as “Too Much Information.” You have been warned.

I don’t know that I ever really imagined what my first day of taking female hormones would be like. For some reason, I have the imagery of a Gothic romance in the back of my head (of the Emily Bronte variety rather than the Barbara Cartland variety). Lots of billowing curtains. A billowing white silk dress. Awaiting a darkly handsome lover as I take my first pills, a feeling of euphoria washing over me as they take effect.

Yeah. Right. Here’s how it really went:

I scheduled an electrolysis appointment early in the day. I was going to be driving to St. Louis anyway, so I like to double up. The drive up was harrowing. We’ve had a bad, bad ice storm here, and in any rational universe, I would have called to reschedule. Unfortunately, I was within the 24 hour cancellation period for my edno appointment, so I was going to be charged for the appointment whether I showed up or not. About 30 minutes away from my house, the doctor’s office calls me to see if I can come in earlier or if I can reschedule. I should have rescheduled, but I was already on the way, and i want to keep my electro schedule. At this point, I should mention that I’m running late, so I’ve skipped breakfast. Rescheduling my endo appointment gives me no time for lunch, either.

My electro appointment goes fine. A remarkably pain free session, all told, but at the end of the session I was higher than usual. I get an endorphine buzz from electrolysis, so I thought nothing of it. Silly me. We’ll come back to this.

The endo appointment goes quickly. I talk to my endo about what I want. He had mentioned Premarin the last time I saw him, which is about three times as expensive as estradiol. No problem, he says, he writes me a scrip and we talk about follow up care. And I drive back to Columbia. The drive back is less harrowing. I-70 is largely clear. The trees along the side of the highway are all still frozen and all bending as if they are all becoming weeping willows. Many of them will be dead in a week or two. Once back in Columbia, I head to Wal-Mart.

I don’t like shopping at Wal-Mart, but in this instance–because I was going to be out of pocket for the estradiol–I decided to swallow my principles. My insurance covers the spiro, amazingly enough, but I don’t want my insurance carrier even getting a whiff that I’m taking female hormones. This is called “medical stealth” and there are good and valid reasons for it. While I wait for the scrip to be filled, I wander around Wal-Mart, my head beginning to throb and my joints beginning to ache. Am I freaking out about this? Are my joints aching from a four hour car trip? I decide that my headache comes from not having eaten, so I get a chicken sandwich at the McDonalds at the front of the store. Big mistake.

By the time I make it home, I feel like shit. I arrange the pill bottles in front of me and call Corinne. She and I made a kind of suicide pact a couple of months ago. I suggested, in jest, that we take our first doses at the same time. “I would totally do that,” she said. “Really?” “Are you kidding? I live for that kind of stuff.” The logistics didn’t work out, but she called me a couple of weeks ago when she took her first pills–she washed them down with margaritas–so I returned the favor. She was at work at the time, so the exchange was brief. I washed mine down with water, and because the spiro label suggests that it may cause stomach upset if you don’t take it with food, I follow it with a cranberry muffin. Then I wander upstairs to lie down. At this point, I’m not thinking straight. I doze for two hours, then wake up with the urge to puke. And here’s where the fun begins.

I make it to the door of the bathroom, but I trip on the rug and fall face first on to the tile floor, chipping one of my front teeth and bruising my lip so badly that it swells up over the course of the evening to the point where I can’t speak without slurring. Better still, at the point of impact, I hurl and expel the contents of my bowels at the same time. Before I figure out what I’ve done, the next heave comes, and I’m laying face down in the half digested remnants of a McDonalds chicken sandwich and a cranberry muffin. I don’t see the pills, so perhaps they’ve metabolized already. And the image of Jim Morrison drowning in a pool of his own vomit flashes through my mind. I scramble to my knees and hurl again. Then bend over with dry heaves.

Then I begin the long, laborious task of cleaning myself and my bathroom. At this point, I’m pretty far gone into full fledged delirium, so it takes forever. I stumble downstairs to the shower to wash my face and hair off and I almost fall through the glass door. Once out of the shower I get the chills, bad, so I crawl into the bed in the downstairs bedroom. I don’t sleep much. My joints ache so much that I can’t find a comfortable position and I go to the bathroom every hour. All the while, I’m trying to keep myself hydrated without vomiting up the water I’m sparingly drinking.

Eventually, Felicia comes home. She’s having a breakdown at the time over driving in the ice, which terrifies her, but seeing me in the state I’m in sobers her up in a flash. I’m running a temp of a 102 degrees, she determines and makes sure I’m warm, and that there’s a bucket beside the bed. Understandably, she declines to sleep in the same bed. But that’s okay. At 5 am, I vomit again. Then crawl back into bed and stare up at the ceiling fan until Felicia comes downstairs to get ready for work. The ceiling fan makes me think of Jim Morrison, and the use of “The End” at the beginning of Apocalypse Now. “Saigon. Shit,” I murmur. “What?” Felicia asks. I don’t explain. She claims that she’s developing a headache, too, which worries me. But it may be psychosomatic. By 7 am, my head is beginning to clear. I wander into the living room and send my boss an email to tell her that I won’t be in to work today. On the off chance that I’m just going to vomit them back up, I decide to hold off on taking my next pills for a couple of days.

Ah, yes. The hormones. That’s where this started. I can state unequivocally that I will forever remember the day I started taking them. It’s only one of the three or four worst days I’ve ever endured. But it’s not their fault, I guess. I have the stomach flu, I’m sure. I’m feeling fairly lucky, too, because I could easily have come down on something that knocked me unconscious during my first set of hurling. If that had happened, I would probably be dead. And it would have been an ignominious death at that.

And still, I wonder about the hormones. My nipples have been hard throughout all of this, and slightly tender. This is no big deal. My nipples have always been over-sized and sensitive, so I may be imagining things. It may be a function of the chill. Surely the 1 mg of estradiol I took last night didn’t take effect THAT fast, did it?

Hair Trigger

I’m shocked! Shocked! that abstinence-only sex education doesn’t work. To quote the article, it’s not rocket science. Hah!

I had a fun experience with abstinence myself this week. I had an appointment at the fertility clinic today to store some of my genetic material for posterity. They request that you abstain for a week beforehand, so I was primed and ready. Here’s the thing about it, though: abstinence puts you on a hair trigger. I think my appointment lasted three or four minutes. Which suggests to me that not only doesn’t abstinence work for preventing unwanted pregnancies, it makes sex really brief and really crummy. I’m glad I didn’t have a partner for this. I can only imagine the disappointment.

Feh.